Do your kids sleep with you?

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We only have one bed.

We only have a family bed. We live in a one bedroom house and we’ve never owned a crib. We safely co-sleep. There are super easy and inexpensive things you can do to make it to safely co-sleep, for us it was a really good choice and the right answer for a lot of craziness in the day for us. Sometimes it’s one big happy family bed and is still the best way for us to all feel close and safe. That’s our solution. There will be at time when our boys won’t sleep in our bed, sometime before they’re married! It’s a really nice way to go to sleep, with our kids.

What the other mommaloguers have to say

47 Responses to We only have one bed.

  1. Pearl says:

    Awesome t-hirt, btw. I slept with my parents until I was 7. It just felt right. My son still sleeps with us even though he has his own room and bed. We started putting him in his bed after he would fall asleep but my husband couldn’t sleep and he kept me awake ’cause he was too worried about him. So now he’s almost 3 and it still feels like he’s just too far away when we have him sleep in his room. We just feel more comfortable and relaxed when he sleeps with me and my husband.

  2. Jessica says:

    All of our 4 kids have slept with us till they were at least 4 or 5. At one point we had 3 in our bed. Now we are down to just the 2 year old.

  3. Sarah says:

    We only have one bed too! Our 2 girls (ages 11 and 4) have slept with us since they were born. This is not unusual in Hispanic and other latin cultures. There were 4 of us kids growing up and we all slept together like a pack of wolves on 2 large queen mattress pushed together in a single bedroom. We did this until we each grew up and left home. There was nothing crazy or sexual or anything about it. It just was and I liked it. I would not want my child sleeping alone in a room, esp. with all the reports of kids being stolen out of their beds while their parents were in another room.

  4. angela says:

    my four month old sleeps with me. It makes the nights easier with breastfeeding and she sleeps longer in my bed.

  5. Julie says:

    Our 2 girls only napped with us. I am a heavy sleeper and was terrified that I would sufficate them when they were infants. AS they got older I couldn’t get all of our sleep schedules in synce, they also liked their own rooms. My husband and I only have a full size bed, now we share it with 2 dogs and a cat!

  6. Georgia says:

    I can understand where your coming from as me and my husband lived in a one bedroom house when we had our first child and we could not afford to buy a baby cot or even move home to a 2 bedroom. Our baby slept in a Moses basket for the first 6 months until we got a second hand cot from my sister. After my little girl was just over a year old she found her way into our bed and 5 years later she still camped in our bed LOL.
    Luckily we purchased a queen size bed as we have a cockier spaniel dog who has decided to join the there of us on colds nights,

  7. lisa says:

    wow i thought i was strange having my girls sleep with us didt know alot of people have ther childern sleep with them i have 5 children age 16mo.3yrs 5yrs 13yrs 14yrs and 3 youngest sleep with us we try to get them to s;eep in there room but by end of night there in bed with us.And sometimes we all just sleep in living room.My children feel loved and are very open with us.

  8. kwaku sonia says:

    We only have a family bed. We live in a one bedroom house and we’ve never owned a crib. We safely co-sleep. There are super easy and inexpensive things you can do to make it to safely co-sleep, for us it was a really good choice and the right answer for a lot of craziness in the day for us. Sometimes it’s one big happy family bed and is still the best way for us to all feel close and safe. That’s our solution. There will be at time when our boys won’t sleep in our bed, sometime before they’re married! It’s a really nice way to go to sleep, with our kids

  9. Astrid says:

    I’m amazed to hear that you parents can get a good night’s sleep with your kids in your bed! My husband and I have a king bed and we feel each and every single wiggle, kick, and head butt when the kids are in there with us. I have the two wiggliest worms in the planet. I have no problem sleeping in the same room with my kids, which I often do if my husband is traveling, but in the same bed absolutely not. I kicked them out as soon as they hit about six months and became mobile.

    • Rose-Mary says:

      Thank God! I was starting to feel like something was wrong that my son doesn’t sleep with us. My two year old cannot hold still, even in utero, at about 5 months he began sleeping in his own room. He enjoys his own space, and I have been told that his room has a relaxing spa quality. We have family snuggle time in my bed, where the three of us watch a Disney movie and cuddle, but at eight o’clock its off to bed for all of us.

  10. sissy says:

    I just wanted to tell parents to be careful. I’m a private investigator and have seen cases were the babies were killed. On case the parent rolled over on the baby and it couldn’t breath and died. The other one the bed was next to the wall and ended up between the bed and wall and was also found dead.

    I would’nt take the risk.

  11. terisa says:

    How … how did you come about having a second child when you slept with your first one ( and still do)!!! many questions come to my mind at this point.!

    I have 3 children 10, 7, and 6 weeks! i sometimes sleep with my 6 week old, when hes having a hard time on his own.. but thats it! I have found many ways to bond and be close to my children. But i like to think bed time is bed time and my bed is a mommy/daddy bed… unless of course they are having a hard time sleeping, have night mares etc etc!!

  12. Joyce says:

    My kids got their own beds/bedrooms as soon as they slept through the night. Sleeping with my a$$hold ex-husband was enough torture who raped me every night was bad enough.

  13. jess says:

    You’re a single mom though, right? So who’s the “we” in your statement?
    Sleeping with the kids in the bed is the fastest way to kill your marriage.
    We’ll let our son sleep with us when he’s sick or if he has a particularly scary dream. But that’s maybe 2-3 nights a year. Otherwise after 9 is grown-up time.
    I’ve often thought that attachment parenting is not healthy. Especially when it comes to the mother-son bond. I’ve seen too many moms have an unhealthy attachment to their sons, often continuing on into adulthood and interfering with their child’s adult relationships.

    • Sue says:

      Jess, the principles of Attachment Parenting and the phenomenon presently known as “helicopter parenting” are not related. Attachment Parenting is a legitimate philosophy recognized by pscyhologists, pediatricians, etc. The goal is to maximize the young child’s ability to form solid attachments and feel it’s need are being securely met. This is rooted in humans between ages 0-3 and somewhat up to about age 5. The goal is to create adults who are able to feel empathy and connection…not dependence. Studies show that children who have been successfully parented via AP are less prone to anxiety as adults. For more information, http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php

  14. Cosleeping Mama says:

    Wow, is your husband anti-children? Mine loves the feel of our little one snuggling up between us. You might want to look into what “attachment parenting” means; by defnition, it’s limited to a healthy relationship where the child is emotionally supported to feel confident enough to have good social relationships with both family and others. Also, do you know of any overly close mother-son relationships where the father is present and an active parent?

  15. Amanda says:

    I am shocked by all of the parents on here that share a bed w/ their kids! I can kinda see the only 1 bdrm thing, or the very large families but still, i slept on a blowup mattress in the 1 bdrm apt my kids and I had and then on the klick klack couch in the LR. My boys are 6 & 4 and they are bad at kicking & hitting; I can’t tell you how many times I woke up from being smacked in the face by a hard or arm! (haha) I NEEDED the quiet time at night to sleep and rest in my bed alone. I also agree with Jess, it kills a relationship/marriage. I only had my boys sleep w/ me while breastfeeding so I could rest. As soon as they slept through the night they were in their OWN beds!!

  16. Janae T says:

    I think a child can be raised feeling confident and emotionally supported without having to co-sleep. I have noticed with some friends who insist on having their children sleep with them past 6mos- 1 year tend to have the kids that tend to stress out more if the mom needs to run errands or leave the kid to be watched by a sitter. Is it possible there could be too much attachment with the lack of even introducing some little bit of separation, like their own bed?

    • Sue says:

      Is it possible that those parents are failing to expose their children to a variety of relationships with others or to find opportunities for their little ones to learn appropriate coping mechanisms? Is it possible that these children are just responding in a developmentally normal manner based on age (phases of stranger anxiety manifest in young children at fairly set ages despite parenting techniques). What you are witnessing, honestly, has nothing to do with co-sleeping. Humans are the only mammals that routinely separate sleeping infants from their mothers.

  17. Kellie says:

    My husband and I agreed before having children that our bed is our bed. Even if they have a bad dream, I go in and comfort them and cuddle them for a minute but then explain that its time for them to go back to sleep in their bed. My 7 year old will once in a great while get to sleep in bed with me for a few hours until my husband gets home from work, but that privilege is given out as a reward. I personally have also wondered how in the world the you get 2 kids when 1 sleeps with you, also what the heck time are you putting these kids down to bed, mine are in bed asleep by 8:30 and then I am up till around 11:30. My husband and I don’t like to “plan ahead” for adult time, family bed kills the element of surprise lol.

  18. Tay's Mommy says:

    We are a co-sleeping family but I’ve been trying to break that habit. Our son is almost 5. It was nice when he was smaller and I could feel him snuggle up next to me. Now, it’s a constant thing for him to flip and flop on the bed and keep me awake at night. We’ve tried everything we can think of – bought him a new bed set and furniture that he picked out himself, sleeping with him in his bed until he falls asleep (he ends up back in our bed somehow), putting him back in his bed when he gets in ours. The list is endless. There are nights that he has bad dreams and I don’t fight him when he wants in bed with me. If anybody has any other ideas on what I can try please share them. This mommy has got to get some sleep…and quality time with daddy :)

  19. Olivia Harlan says:

    Hi, I’m 40 and my daughter is 13. She is 5’8″, free-spirited, intelligent, an incredible dancer and actress, and she can sing too. She’s performed on stage in lead musicals and dance recitals and has met famous people. My daughter still sleeps in the bed with me! While I know I could be old-fashioned and say very negative things about the damages of this, but the truth of the matter is the fact that we feel comfortable and protected. I was blessed because she wasn’t suffocated by my body weight. When she was an infant and toddler, we became our own team unit because her dad worked 3rd shift and I was alone. I was not a fan of having her so far away from me (in her own nicely decorated room). Her father and I also were in a very rocky marriage and it didn’t even bother us that he slept in her room and me and the baby slept in the master bedroom. Long story short, we divorced and the move to a new house when my daughter turned 9 was even more frightening for her. We stayed together and we make it work. She still has a new room and it is very nicely decorated and I’m confident that she will move into it when she is secure and ready.

    We turned it into a project. We wrote a children’s book about the situation. Mayim, I’d love to send you a copy of it because it focuses on my daughter’s perspective as to why she dislikes staying in the room alone. We self-illustrated the piece, as well. The main character is a caricature of my daughter. It’s entitled, “Mommy’s Bed is Best.”

  20. Jill says:

    I think this is just unbelievable to me! One of them being 13 years old?? I think the parents have a fear of being separated from them. It’s sick.

  21. Hayley says:

    My daughter is 8 months and sleeps through the night from around 7pm to 7am and when she wakes in the morning for her morning feed my husband and I bring her into bed with us and we wake up together and sometimes have a bit more rest. She likes seeing both of us in the morning and having us talk to her about what we dreamed about. Sometimes she sleeps with us at night if she has a cold and can’t settle herself. But even if she did sleep in our bed all night, every night.. I’m sure we would find some other spontaneous places to have fun.

  22. Richard Sutton says:

    I got custody Of my daughter at the end of her first grade year in school. I was living in a small 3 bedroom house with my son and brother. I slept in a full size bed and we shared that bed for until I got us a pair of twin beds thought a trift store. WE continued sharing the bed room for about a year more before her brother moved out.
    The whole time we shared the bed room I was afraid that DHS would find out and take her away from me. She now have her brother old room and her brother had to move back home so, we now share the room. Yes we are crowded, but we are doing the best that we can The house is my Dad whom move in with my sister and her family

  23. Sarah says:

    I am reading most of the comments on here and most of those defending co-sleeping with older children are selfish reasons. They feel to far away, it feels safer etc… You are damaging your children.

    Are you going to sleep with them while they are in college?

    What are you going to do when your 11 year old tells someone at school that they share a bed with mommy and daddy? You need to realize that co-sleeping with children in many states over the age of 3 is cause for intervention/investigation and possible removal. Learn your state laws!

    • Eileen says:

      You are obviously a sick person if you feel that by sharing your bed with your child, you are causing them harm or doing something inappropriate. I slept with my parents until I was 9 yo, then shared a room with my sister. There has never been and there will never be a time where I felt more secure, loved and protected than in my childhood. There are many cultures all around the world that co sleep and their children thrive just as well or better than children who are forced to sleep alone.

  24. Lesa Smith says:

    Is’nt Mayim and her husband divorced?

  25. Caroline says:

    I know parents who have shared a bed with their kids who are now grown up now and I can tell you there was no damage to any of them. No mum should be judged on sharing a bed with their children, to sleep with your child were you both feel safe and secure is hardly sick they are your children for gods sake.with so much bad going on in this world to kids this is hardly worth judging. Every child is different at night, every circumstance at home not the same.some kids need the security.

  26. Lorraine says:

    Admirable!!

    Good for you!! Co bed works for US too!!! Our son has issues breathing and we co bed… we have received criticism. Yet We stand firm on our decision! I could NOT CARELESS what people think, they do not Nor could Never walk 100 feet in my shoes!

    I have another friend who does the same, and they have 2 daughters!
    Please know we have two bedrooms and our child has his own bed and Room, yet he co sleeps with us. A few years back when he was 1 we met with some cousins that live in Europe and they co-bed.. what a relief! Today they have healthy happy Intelligent independent kids! Nothing happened!

  27. Kelly says:

    I think the most important point to remember is that you should do what’s right for YOU and YOUR FAMILY.
    On a side note I remember seeing Mayim on the View a couple of years ago and the promos kept referencing her “extreme” parenting which has such a negative connotation. I thought she handled the interview very well. She has obviously made very thoughtful decisions based on what works for her.

  28. Colin Hay says:

    This probably will sound weird but it was done for a specific reason. My elderly mother used to live with me and basically in the evenings we shared a queen-sized bed. The reasoning was that if she had any problems overnight (she was blind and had other health problems); I needed to be close to help out. It was an odd situation but I think in other countries things like this are very common. It was my responsibility in the evenings to be care-giver; during the days it was my brother’s job but she was better during the days typically.

    Before that, my Dad slept in that bed but he came down with dementia and it was impossible to keep him at home so I had to find a nursing home for him.

    It’s almost the opposite of the topic but I thought I would through it out there since caregiving happens at both the beginning and the end of lives and it will be a bigger issue as times goes on. This isn’t something I normally would share

  29. Tina says:

    My mom slept with me into my teenage yrs. I cannot recall a time in childhood where i wanted to co-sleep. In fact the opposite. I badly wanted/needed my own space. I never broke away as a child because it was simply routine. I feel to this day it was my moms co-dependency and not some healthy/natrural parenting style. I have 2 older brothers that she attempted long term co-sleeping with until they would go as far as crawling out of bed & sleeping on the floor.

    My mom was not overbearing she simply felt most comfortable with at least 1 of us close to her. She was a single mom also.
    Yes I have grown into a healthy adult. We still have a very close realationship. The only negatives I can relate to the long term co-sleeping is possibly a more sisterly bond than maternal bond. Also I prefer a lot of space between my husband & I in bed, I hate cuddling & friendships in high school were strained with the knowledge I “slept with mommy still”.

    In my opinon the whole attached parenting style caused my mom a lot of greif in the long run.
    There should be some space between the parent & child
    or else you lose authority ground. My brothers & I have
    little to none parental respect for our mom.Sure we go to her about our problems, trust & listen to her sometimes. Almost as if she is just an older sibling…

  30. This couple just announced they are divorcing. Wonder why? Just sayin’

  31. LoveToCo-sleep says:

    We have two boys and two girls and all of them have slept with us during their young years. Our 14 year old slept with us till he was about 5, the girls now have a bed next to ours. They sometimes find their way back into our bed at times…one girl more then the other one. Our 2 year old boy is still in our bed. Obviously, we didn’t have a problem finding a place to be intimate…there are other rooms in the house. Besides, it probably spiced things up. Co-sleeping is not for everyone but I think it works for many of us that find it to be a wonderful bonding experience. I feel so close to my teenage boy, he still likes to jump in our bed in the morning and cuddle with the family. The affection and intimacy that my husband and I feel sleeping with our children cannot be expressed in words. I co-slept with my parents and I am still so close to them. My husband didn’t with his and there is a considerable difference in the relationship…just not as expressive in the feelings department. Defiantly, take precautions on the safely issue…but if you can find a way i’m a total advocate. Wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  32. Sue says:

    For those seeking information on the science behind safe bed sharing, here is a great article from a legitimate medical resource. http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/

  33. Victoria says:

    Our daughter has slept with us from day one. She has a nursery with s brand new crib, never uses it. We tried putting her play pen next to our bed so she could sleep closer to us but she rarely uses that either. We have s king size so there’s plenty of room. She’s 7 mths & recently fell off the bed so I’m trying to wing her into her play pen or crib for naps as starters. It was the bond me & her had, that closeness from the womb that had me have her sleep me. She was born in December & I thought it was to cold for her sleep alone. We just all sleep together. I like my loves in bed with me.

  34. Gina says:

    My husband and i tried co-sleeping with our daughter when she was first born, but it created bad feelings with his older 3 children from a previous relationship. Their mom was (understandably) uncomfortable with everyone sleeping in with us so everyone went back to their own beds. My husband still occasionally sneaks our baby in with us though lol.

  35. Ashley says:

    Sue, I understand you are a supporter of co-sleeping, but it also seems as though you are being highly defensive and negative towards the opposing view of not co-sleeping/separate beds. In my personal choice, I chose to not co-sleep. I have never napped or slept at all with my son. For me, personally, I did not feel comfortable. It did make breastfeeding more tedious at night, but I was okay with it because I chose it. I am not a supporter of co-sleeping, but with that said, I believe it is an individual family’s decision. If it works for you, and it is safe in your bed, good for you and your family! A happy family is very important for a child, and how your family works will be different than any other family. I believe that whatever works for an individual baby and family is good for that baby and family, and whether that’s what I chose to do by not co-sleeping or by co-sleeping, is entirely up to the parents of that individual baby, and is right for them!

  36. Nicola says:

    I slept with my children from the day they were born at home into my arms to the day they decided they wanted their own sleeping spaces. People who think we have to ‘teach’ our children how to be alone are misinformed. Children don’t need to be taught how to be alone, or taught how tough life can be. They are intelligent being, aspiring to grow up. My kids decided when they were done co-sleeping, breast feeding .. etc, and are now incredibly well balanced, academically amazing, friendly, well-liked and fully functional members of society.
    It is sheer arrogance to think that we are ‘supposed’ to ‘make them’ learn things. We are here to nourish and protect them and leave plenty of space for them to grow into who they already are.
    It is a phenomenal honour to be permitted to participate in the growth and emergence of children into adulthood. Gentle hands, open hearts, mutual respect and loving communication achieved all of that for myself and my daughters.

  37. Nicola says:

    PS – it is perfectly wonderful for parents to choose not to co-sleep as well. There is NO magic bullet – a parent who is confident about what they are and are not willing to do is a loving parent without resentments.
    Good news – be aware and loving and set the boundaries that work for all of you.
    Bad news – there is no ‘right’ answer, all you can do is set the example of a self-expressed, well adjusted parent. Love comes in all packages.

  38. Vanina Almude says:

    OMG!!! And i thought i was doing something wrong!! I’m so relieved to know that there are so many families like mine. My 2 year old sleeps in our bed too. He slept on a bassinet until he was 6 months old, and he still has a crib, but never uses it. i will lay him down in it, but he knows the difference, automatically open his eyes and demands to be moved to our bed. To be honest i like having him with us, i can feel him breathing, it makes me feel safe, if he sneezes, has a fever, or if hes just cold, my husband and i are there.

  39. Heather Martin says:

    Co-sleeping isn’t safe for the infant. That is what a bassinet or cradle is for. Sleeping with your child every night w/ child is not healthy for your child, nor your relationship. Your child never learns independence, or basic coping and self-comfort skills. You and your partner don’t have truly intimate time. And when do the children learn to respect privacy? My daughter is almost 15, and, occasionally, I still sleep w/ her. But, those are special times. So, I am not saying never, just limit. With kangarooing and other cuddling techniques, there is no reason to lose out on those close, special moments. Just find healthier ways-for you and your child.

  40. Stacey says:

    I have to admit my children both slept with us. My oldest slept with us until her sister was born 6 years later and her sister slept with us until she was 10 and our grandson was born then he took her place in the middle of the bed. All of our children had their own rooms and slept in there if they felt like it. My youngest daughter had a hard time with us moving to a new home when she was 9 so she felt safer in bed with us. She was not happy when her nephew was born and took her place but she eventually got over it. My husband had children from a previous marriage and all 3 girls slept with us when they were little then they shared a bedroom on the weekends that we had them. My children are 32, 29, 28, 22 they all grew up fine after co-sleeping. I worried about them when they were little if they were not in bed with us. They all slept with me when my husband was at the fire dept over night. I do not see anything wrong with co-sleeping. My niece slept with my sister and her husband until she was 17 and left for college. She had her own room to nut chose to sleep with her parents. She grew up just fine and is married with 2 children of her own but she does not co-sleep. I think it’s each families choice to make. I don’t regret it.

    • Tonya says:

      My baby never agreed to sleep in her crib, she’s two months now and just loves the warmth that comes with sleeping with her mum

  41. Ben says:

    I can’t believe that the word “sex” doesn’t occur in any of these 44 responses. Are people just assuming that once you have your first kid, sex is reserved for weekend getaways or quickies before the kids get home from school? I’m not saying you need to have sex every day to be healthy, but…it’s really healthy to have sex every day and if you or your partner still have any semblance of desire but are putting it off for special occasions you’re undermining communication and trust and you’re probably shortening your life expectancy.

    Also, all these posts about wolves and non-western cultures and tradition and penguins or whatever: just because it’s natural, doesn’t mean it’s good. Look at infant mortality statistics for wolves before you go Romantically rejecting modern behavior’s “fall from grace.” We’re a long way from J.J. Rousseau, people.

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